“In This Morbid Dream, I Had A Direct Encounter With A Slow Motion Dissolution Into Nonexistence”
On that unforgettable night, I had slept maniacally and dreamed that I am no longer myself; I was dying slowly, slowly, like winter’s lazy snowflakes. In that morbid dream, I had encountered a slow motion dissolution into irreversible nonexistence. It was the most frightening experience I’ve ever had. To lose yourself is finite. We conduct our lives in the same way we manage our loves – dysfunctionally – thinking it’s everlasting and will never change or come to an end. But, like a fly in the ointment, it will sooner or later pass out, pass away, dissolve little by little or swiftly… And guess what? We can’t choose! So, like a broken VHS cassette which no longer functions properly but still works in slow motion mode, we eventually fall into the void of naught … I will never forget how my whole life had been shown to me like in some kind of a cheap Flickr slideshow effect. I had seen my failures and triumphs with clogged tears in my eyes, not only because of the nostalgia they had unsurprisingly awoken in me, but also because they had had exactly the same specific gravity. Then, it has occurred to me that life is a cold neutral mechanism, in which no event has no more or less value than the other. And by the end of it, be it bitter or bittersweet, nothing of the last remaining relics of my once unfathomable gang of friends shall survive. All will perish, all will wash away with the timeless winter rain.